Abstract Thoughts, Depression Aid

What Feeling Feels Like

This is a brief attempt to describe the mind and experience of someone with extreme and changing emotions like me. 

Were I to speak
of all that crosses my heart’s horizon,
It would be too much.

Even in its conclusion
there is aching.
For this being was built
for endless shaking.
Barely holding on against the vibration,
The rumble and hum of all that lives
and lies and hopes within my soul.

For soul is the drum
On beats my experience.
As guests they come
and rattle
crash bang.

In confusion my heart follows suit.
Each breath comes to listen,
To watch the avalanche of beat.
They rush past aching tunnels
And fly out my nose for final relief.

And I, who am locked in this body,
Must endure the rise of the tsunami
That echoes from the quake in my soul,
Knowing that the only way to keep my pieces together,
to stop the shatter,
Is to become the aching beat.

And this too – become it all.
The lion and the deer,

Reach into the vastness of the ocean,
So that the waves of emotion,
Are merely a whisper of infinite self.

And sorrow is my own eyes looking back,
Anger is my own hot breath on my face,
And joy is remembering that it has already been this way forever.

I will continue to meet you and remember you
Oh same dear self of mine.

Sarah Nicholson